She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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