maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
