I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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