He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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