Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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