just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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