And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's shark week go big or go home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
