New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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