I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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