His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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