i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
