I wish they made helmets for livers.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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