I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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