Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
