I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
