I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize