How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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