Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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