Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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