I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
