why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
