I skipped work to stalk him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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