You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
