Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
