Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
