I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
did i just pee glitter
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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