i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
