I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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