can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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