if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize