birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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