the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it's like heaven, but drunker
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
