we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
