So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
