I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
