11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
