you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
