I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i think i just lost a toe
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
