i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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