she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this hospital has no fireball
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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