I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
