it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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