You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
