His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your penis caused this!
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