dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
