I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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