woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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