Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
