I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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