I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
