Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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