The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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