i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish I only lived at night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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