So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
