I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize