dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
