why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
