Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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