Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
