are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
