i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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