I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
