does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's the barista slut.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
