just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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