She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
