I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
