i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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