I love black thongs
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
