My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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