I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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