the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
